Jesus, the Original Metro-sexual?

Jesus, the Original Metrosexual?

   Was Jesus the original metro-sexual and what exactly does that mean for us? The

bible tells us that Jesus had the best qualities of both sexes; the strength and conviction

of a man and the patience and nurturing of a woman. I realize these are gender

stereotypes. I’m not agreeing, I’m just reporting. I know several so called metrosexuals.

They’re all overly cultured to the point of being boring snobs. To their detrement they’ve

got so much culture they’re arrogant ‘know it alls’. I don’t like ‘know it alls’. They’re too

much like me.

  Men and women have different Gods. Women worship shoes, sentimentality, and

security, while men worship muscle cars, meatloaf, and heavy machinery. Watch

women with friends at a restaurant. Someone will pickup the bill and announce, “Okay

who had the cob salad?” Then they all have to look at the bill individually, pass it around

and do the math on a table napkin. It’s as if they’re drawing schematics for the space

shuttle. Everything has to be done precisely down to the last dime. It usually takes

longer to calculate the bill for the meal than it did to actually eat the meal.

  Men on the other hand have a simpler method. Whoever’s closet to where the bill

landed on the table picks it up, turns his head at an angle like the RCA dog, study’s it as

if he’s been handed Egyptian hieroglyphics and loudly demands “Okay, all you assholes

owe me eight bucks”. Not quite as polite I suppose but a lot less nit-picky and unless a

fight immediately ensues male bonding has taken place. What would Jesus do you ask?

He’d probably pick up the bill miraculously know in an instant (remember his step dad

was a carpenter they have to be good at math) exactly what everybody owes including

tax and gratuity and announce, “Whoever had the cob salad is going to Hell.”  If he felt

his real dad was on his side he might even add a “Gad Damn it!” for effect. Remember

metrosexuals are constantly pulling those over the top dramatic antics. You should see

them at a Lady GaGa concert.

  The original aspect of metrosexuality was to invent a new form of culture snob who

was more civilized than the rest of us mouth-breathing, knuckle draggers and thus have

yet another reason to look down on us flannel wearing, pickup driving average slobs.

But something happened along the road to arrogantville. Johnny Sixpack out in

Bladderleak, Iowa got the internet and all the info, cultivation, and urbanity that came

with it. (not to mention porn, video games, and a million other ways to waste your time).

    Now Lenny Lunchbox with a modem in Braindead, Arkansas had an even playing

field and all the refinement his tiny little frontal lobe could absorb.

  The upshot…Jesus may have been a metrosexual but by the very nature of his being

it would have to be sans the attitude. I mean come on, the guy was here for a blood

atonement self-sacrifice. Even if it wasn’t yet revealed to him he had to suspect that was

gonna hurt! Between dodging Romans, turning water into wine, and raising folks from

the dead I doubt he had a lot of time to look down his nose at the less dignified. I prefer

to think of Jesus as not a metrosexual but more an urban communalist. Sure he had it,

but he never had to flaunt