The Absolute Worst Pick Up Lines

The Absolute Worst Pick-up Lines

Oh yeah, well if I was the last man on earth and you the last woman, I’d be saving myself for someone better than you!

Would you care for another roofee?

When my lip fungus and groin rash heal can I call you?

Because of your immense size, non-distinct features and overgrown body hair I can’t actually tell your gender, but if I guess it correctly will you come home with me? 

I’m fairly sure you can write this off as a charitable act.

I bet you were really hot 30 years ago.

So you’re not saying ‘never.’ I just have to wait till it freezes over, right?

You may remember me as the child star ‘Little Schwinkee’ on the 50’s sitcom “Daddy Does the Maid”.

Hey if I’d lose 50 pounds and have plastic surgery I would be a Clooney look-a-like! 

Do you have change for a 50? I used my last hundred to light my imported cigar’

I once co-starred in the school play ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ Guess who I played?

That outfit would look so good on someone with a better figure.

Source: petechristensen.com

• 6 DAYS AGO

Instant Economic Injections

Instant Economic Injections

Ways to Instantly Improve the U.S. Economy

  Instant stimulus sounds like a pipe dream but there are ways to infuse the American people with quick cash and turn the economy around. Republicans point to President Obama’s stimulus plan with disdain claiming it a failure. Economist agreed saying instead of going on spending sprees the middle class paid their bills. How dare we be responsible. Remember we’re the ones that caused the housing downfall by actually thinking we could have the American dream of home ownership. Rubber stamp foreclosures, collusion by Goldman Sachs, and the refusal of banks to renegotiate balloon payments had nothing to do with it.

  During the depression a moratorium was put in place to stop foreclosures. It had a stop gap affect we still profit from today. However at the height of home repossessions not only did politicians fail to stand up to the banks they actually called for a bail out by the very public who were being evicted. I guess the idea was ‘get out and don’t forget my handout as the door hits you from behind.’

  Now that we’re in this situation partisan politics is so rampant it may take many more years to repair rather than need be. All so certain elected officials can make political gain at the suffering of their constituents.

  I suggest some radical actions to repair a radically broken economic system. First open trade with Cuba. Keeping sanctions on a tiny nation that poses little threat in their current condition hurts us just as much as it hurts them. Qualify this trade by specifically stating all trade items must enter the states through Louisiana ports, therefore helping one of our most devastated states back on its feet. We stand to make millions while they improve their standard of living and possibly see us as an ally.

  Second make marijuana legal in the poorest state in the nation; Arkansas. (and ONLY in Arkansas!) This state has suffered in poverty for years and the result is a meth amphetamine culture deeply enrooted in the hopelessness of its people. By making marijuana legal both for its medicinal and industrial uses you’d infuse the area with jobs and probably replace a hard drug that’s illegal and leads to schizophrenia with one no more dangerous than alcohol that leads to eating snacks and inactivity. Tell me it’s not the lesser of two evils. This would also help eliminate the criminal element thriving in the state and save millions in drug enforcement expenses.

  Third, and most effective take every lottery worth one hundred and twelve million dollars or more and award it in increments of $10,000. That’s twelve thousand winners in each state every week. More when you consider the Super power-ball styled games. Make these checks marked for use within thirty days to induce immediate spending.

  In the past super winners buy cars, houses and much more but their wealth isn’t spread throughout the entire community. The trickle down theory doesn’t work well with a single winner. Multiple winners in multiple cities would correct that.

  I realize these are radical moves but examine the lives people are leading now and ask yourself how many years will they continue to suffer? How long did the great depression last? Can we expect the economic turnaround within the next decade or in three or four? What’s the worst that could happen? We’d be forced to repeal several laws if they failed. We’ve done it hundreds of times before in our history with little or no lasting affect.       

Source: petechristensen.com

Book Review 'The Presidents Kidnapped'

The Presidents Kidnapped by Jack Earl King reviewed by Pete Christensen

  As the title infers ‘The Presidents Kidnapped’ is a political thriller. It’s subtitled ‘A John

Long Mystery tells you this is a series. Like all good series it’s grounded in it’s main

character. Fortunately King makes his believable and just complicated enough to be

interesting. Unlike so many anti-hero’s today he doesn’t give Long a flurry of personal

flaws and failures. His past explains his reactions and decisions.

  Because of the nature of the plot comparisons are bound to made to the Jonathan

Lemkin novel ‘The Shooter’ that screenwriter   Stephen Hunter turned into the 2007

movie of the same name. Both involve Washington insiders and have enough plot twist

to confuse Kreskin but that’s where the similarities end. Lemkins’ novel centers around

a fall guy for a failed assassination attempt. This one goes in another direction

completely.

     Retired Navy Captain John Long is living in a remote Alaskan cabin when the crime

of the century is almost literally dropped at his doorstep. A group of twelve Washington

insiders decide to double-cross the president to save the party from losing power and

save themselves from losing millions in pork barrel projects. The extent they’re willing to

go and their loyalty to each other is constantly questioned. I enjoyed this because you

never know who’s going to turn on who. This gives an sense of tension to the plot that

underscores everything happening.

  King develops a world of the power hungry and the desperate. He rarely allows his

characters to speak in contractions. These are people used to giving orders and they

talk in a distinct, direct style where commands are clear and easily understood.   

 Also, because Long is living in such a remote area he’s got to handle problems (no

matter how intense) alone. This follows the classic ‘man against the world’ plot that

  Americans so easily relate to. He does have a pet wolf but obviously all the cunning and

stealth are left to himself. At one point Long watches his adversaries from a distance

pondering his options. The author used this inner dialogue to show the reader the main

characters thought process. It was well written and interesting.

  The story is complicated but the author makes it easy to follow. He employs the use of

three fronts to keep two subplots active throughout and parallel to the main plot. The

actions of the kidnappers versus Joe Long, the investigation led by Agents Gray and

Mills, and the involvement by local police led by officer Jim Tagukag.

  King introduces a love interest midway through the piece. A business woman and bush

pilot named Sonya Riggs. She’s a strong character although not overbearing and

cartoonish.

  ‘The Presidents Kidnapped’ is an action story wrapped in political intrigue and betrayal.

It flows extremely well and puts the reader at the heart of the action. King paints the

picture of back room political subterfuge as well as the Alaskan wilderness with a depth

of description.  I enjoyed it’s characters and suggest you will too.    

Book Review, 'Enhanced'

Enhanced’ by Ben Brown reviewed by Pete Christensen

  Ben Brown’s ‘Enhanced’ is more science than fiction. It centers around a not too

distant future and the world of genetics that’s already a reality. (Although after the first

forty pages it enters the realm of full blown sci-fi.) The author thrust the reader into

immediate action as the main character Zac Thomas is kidnapped on his way to work in

in Reading, Pennsylvania.

  Thomas is a brilliant over achiever with no family and almost no real social life, but his

ultimate asset is also his Achilles heel. He was born with a very rare genetic code that’s

ripe for what’s known as enhancement. The kidnappers it turns out are a scientist with a

deity complex; seventy something Henry Skinner, and his beautiful Brittish assistant

Lea.

  The reason for the kidnapping isn’t money or medical research. Skinner and Lea have

unintentionally created a mass murdering monster and now they desperately need a

test subject to create a type of super-human capable of hunting him down. To further

complicate the plot, the monster they’ve created is the doctor’s own son Dominic. This

type of hunt or be hunted scenario makes for great action and suspense as the hero

has to constantly enter and re-enter the abyss of danger.

  Brown’s writing style is fluid and his dialogue is down to earth and believable. I can

imagine these conversations taking place between the characters without sounding at

all forced. Zac and Lea’s hunt takes them to a wide range of locations, sometimes

exotic, sometimes sinister. Likewise they encounter numerous characters that may or

may not be predators themselves. This adds to the constant tension of the storyline.

I also enjoyed the fact that while Lea and Zac are on the prowl there are elements of an

old fashioned buddy story that offsets the action.  

  Within the 510 pages the duo encounter Homeland security agents Baker, Long, and

Martinez who may or may not be on their side. Also there’s a possible double agent

(possibly a mole) named Kennedy as well as enough bad guys to keep you guessing. 

   Purely from a sci-fi viewpoint this book is great fun. It moves quickly and is loaded

with action. It’s as if Brown combined the high paced action of ‘The Matrix’ and the

underlying genetically altered science of ‘Blade Runner’ to create this excellent hybrid

adventure and then went further into his imagination.       

  The question remains; would you enjoy this if you’re not a sci-fi fan? I think so mainly

because the main characters are more than likeable, they’re vulnerable, while the

ancillary ones seem real enough to hold their own. You’ll probably find yourself as I did

wanting to see how each new plot twist develops. 

The Cost of Affluence

  The United States is in the position of imploding economically upon itself.

Ironically, it’s a situation that’s totally avoidable and one we should’ve seen

coming from studying our own history.

   The 1950’s were arguably the most prosperous time in American history.

That, despite thousands of soldiers returning home from World War Two.

An infusion onto the job market that should’ve devastated the economy.

   In 1944 President Roosevelt enacted Harry Colmery’s G.I. Bill. It enacted

low interest home loans with zero down payment. Complete education funding,

and  unemployment payments for a full year.

   Of the 13 million new homes built, 11 million were bought by veterans. By

1947 fifty percent of all tuition was paid for by vets. Prior to 1945 it was less

than 5%.

  It’s now known this education produced 500,000 teachers, 91,000 doctors,

67,000 doctors, 24 Pulitzer Prize winners, 14 Nobel Prize winners, and 3

Supreme Court Justices.

   This program was largely funded by the income produced by the veterans

themselves. Matter of fact; it cost 50 billion, and returned over 350 billion.

   People had homes so they had a reason to improve their neighborhoods. Men

with new professions  both earned, and spent more. Colleges flourished and

could invest more on a better education system overall. Both the jobs and

homes gave people a reason to stay in one place. This stability was a recipe for

civic pride and social improvement.

   Then, slowly and methodically, Government officials began to gut the bill.

After the Korean War, vets had unemployment benefits reduced to just 26

weeks.  In 1966 LBJ reduced tuition and unemployment.  In 2008 reservists

tuition was reduced to just $297. per month.  Today, reservists and National

Guardsmen are often excluded from the majority of veterans benefits. That

despite the fact that they’re carrying the heavy-load of combat duty. Even

worse, soldiers who do get benefits, are now forced to pay for them, and those

that are married with children don’t get anything extra. The maximum MGIB is

now reduced to just $1,034 per month. Only 34% of a four year college course

is paid for.

   We’ve turned our backs on our veterans. Our children and grandchildren will

pay the economic price for that crime.       

The truth about Christmas

The Truth About Christmas

   December 25^th. Probably isn’t Christ date of birth. Within years after his crucifixion his actual birth date was confused and lost. It’s interesting how many God’s were allegedly born on December 25^th, years before Christ.

   The Greek God Dionysus, Egyptian God Osiris, Persian God Mithras, and the Roman pagan God Attis who was born of a virgin named Nanna. Even the man Nimrod who died in 2167 B.C. was given deity status post death  had a birthday on December 25^th.

   The longest, darkest, and often coldest night of the year is on the winter solstice of December 21^st. At this time it’s natural to become depressed. A holiday celebration would be just the tonic to fight this, especially one that involves gift giving. Who in their right mind wants to celebrate a long, cold, dark winter night?

   Many pagan religions celebrated the birth of the Sun festival on the 25^th. to show the longest, darkest days were behind them. The Christians easily made the jump from rebirth of the sun to the birth of the son of God.

   Babylonians would bring evergreen trees into the home in late December to celebrate something that didn’t hibernate or go into dormancy at their fertility festivals. It gave them hope in their darkest hours. Isn’t that what Christmas, (no matter what the source or origin) does for all of us?

Mount Rushmore

Mount Rushmore…What went Right and Wrong

   Mount Rushmore was built on The Six Grandfathers Mountain of South Dakota on land stolen from the Lakota Sioux in the war of 1876 to 1877. The name was changed to “Rushmore” to honor a wealthy East Coast banker by Carrie Swancey, the sister of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

   The monument was first proposed by Doane Robinson in 1923 to increase Black Hills tourism, and to celebrate the first 150 years of North America’s history.

   The original sculptures were Guston Borglum, and his understudy Korczak  Ziolkowski. The initial idea was to honor Five people; Lewis and Clark (those who explored the West), Chief Joseph of the Nez Pierce (those who inhabited the West), Bill Hickock (those who tamed the West), and William F. Cody (those who kept the Western spirit alive).

   However, when President Coolidge got involved, he demanded the idea involve politicians (go figure). Borglum, who’d become famous by carving the Confederate Memorial on Stone Mountain, Georgia wasn’t really interested in the idea of a Native American sculpture.

   In 1925 Borglum then settled on an immense figure of a young George Washington in a three cornered hat. To avoid controversy, and secure funding, Coolidge insisted on two democrats, and another Republican joining Washington.

   Several times attempts have been made in congress to add figures to Jefferson, Roosevelt, Washington, and Jackson. These have included Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy, and astronaut Neil Armstrong. All were defeated.

   Despite a public outcry to add Susan B. Anthony in 1937, the project went forward as planned. Ziolkowski left the project when partially completed.

   The state of South Dakota has made millions from Mount Rushmore. The Sioux nation has sued for one-tenth of one, one hundredth percent of the money earned from ‘Black Hills Gold’. They’ve repeatedly been defeated in both state and federal courts. Not because they’re not right, but because reparations on this large a scale is a slippery slope the United States can’t afford to get involved in. Instead, a portion of all proceeds from Mt. Rushmore tourism should be awarded to the Sioux Nation, to be used strictly for education, and job development.     

   In 1939, at the request of Chief Henry Standing Bear, Ziolkowski began work on the Crazy Horse Monument. Crazy Horse never had his picture taken. His image is depicted purely from spoken descriptions and folklore. He was stabbed in the back by Army scout Little Big Man and died shortly after. The army buried the Oglala Sioux leader in a deliberately hidden grave.

   Despite twice being offered ten million dollars by the federal government to complete the project, the family has refused. It should take another thirty years to complete and will be more than eight times bigger than Mt. Rushmore. It will be indisputably the largest sculpture in the entire world.