Do We Worship Likability or Visibility?

When I was nine years old my father told me, “Pete as you grow up you’re gonna find people will really like you or outright hate you. It’s not your fault but you’ve got a strong personality and that’s how people react to a person like you.” Of course to be totally honest my father also once told me, “Pete you can be very nice or very smart in life. If I were you I’d start workin’ on that nice thing right away.” The only other advice I can ever remember my dad giving me was, “If you don’t know what sex it is, don’t bring it home and try to sleep with it.” (Thanks dad. Now let’s finish our discussion on nuclear physics)  

  Looking back I now realize he himself probably wanted to put me in a burlap sack and toss me in whatever nearby body of water was deep enough to put ME out of HIS misery. Not that he didn’t like me, but I’m sure whatever I said just prior to his delivering that ominous warning was as aggravating as the neighbor demanding to borrow money to fix the lawnmower he borrowed from you!

  All this came to mind recently when I watched the NBC Today Show and saw a panel of three women broadcasters and Al Rocker discussing popularity, and if it helps you get ahead in life. All three women immediately related the issue to how popular they were in school and what clique they hung out in. In their own ego encrusted frontal lobes they instantly forgot about the viewing audience and talked about their favorite subject in the entire universe…THEMSELVES! (big surprise) Roker on the other hand actually addressed the subject matter. The trouble is these people can’t distinguish popularity from success. In their own pre-pubescent, eternally sorority, minds they see popularity as an achievement and not what it truly is a shallow, surface social distinction. More so, these people don’t get it that popular doesn’t equal likeable.

  Why would any of this matter to anyone other than a politician or a child seeking parental approval? Because as any Octomom, Kardashian, or Honey Boo Boo stage-mother can attest to. Andy Warhol’s fifteen minutes of fame prediction has come to fruition as the dumbing down of society has left us surrounded by ever present social media non-talents that should be nowhere near any type of working video equipment.  

  That’s one of the major problems with today’s media, especially TV. They consistently hire young, good looking people fresh out of college with as much life experience as you can engrave on the head of a pin. The media repeatedly tells us the American people are obsessed with celebrity but in fact it’s the inexperienced TV producers who get all their news from TMZ or Entertainment Tonight that feed us this steady diet of gossip as if we’re fifteen year olds at a slumber party.

  Researchers now claim a high IQ may allow you to breeze through Harvard but doesn’t guarantee success in life. A high CQ (creative quotient) will allow you to be creative in numerous fields but in no way mean you’ll be able to find happiness. But a person with a high Q rating (general likeability and trustworthiness) is the most likely to find the rare balance between success in work and a home life. The point is popularity is notoriety not likeability.

  Years ago I visited the Friars Club in New York. It’s a throwback to the old days frequented by comedians, and comedic actors. I saw three of my favorite old time comics, all in their sixties all gray haired, all well dressed, and all big names. They were each accompanied by a bleach blonde, thirty something wife in a tight short shirt and revealing blouse. I was actually embarrassed for them. These women normally wouldn’t cross the street to piss on them if their hair was on fire, but because of their money and celebrity they married them. I dated a woman once that actually bragged “I used to be arm candy.” I thought to myself ‘It looks more like you use to eat candy’. I also thought ‘Sure but that was ten years and twenty pounds ago’. The point is, who should be more ashamed; the woman who marries for money or the guy that uses his celebrity for sex and fake love? Neither party accepts the reality that they’re just using each other. They live with a 600 pound gorilla called denial in their subconscious.

  I’m an acquired taste, like cheap wine, or that gummy Asian food that makes you gag at first. I accept the certainty that most people don’t like me. They merely tolerate me. I’m best in small dosages. Spending any considerable time with me could make a Quaker want to kick my _ss.  I also realize that if I’m a nice person with good intention maybe, just maybe I won’t be so distasteful to people in the future. 

Old Geezer Reqium

Old Guy Requiem

  I’m an old guy. I’m not nuts about bein’ an old guy but when you consider the only alternative is kicking the oxygen habit and taking a permanent dirt bath it really doesn’t seem that God awful after all. A lot of people lie about their age and being an entertainer it’s just good business sense to do so (as long as you can pull it off without people bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter). But with the advent of more social media sources than we have humans on earth it’s almost impossible to get away with it. Besides there’s something liberating about telling someone, “That’s right I’m 58 and that means if I kick your ass you look weak, and you kick mine you look like a bully. Now get lost!”

  Being old doesn’t mean I want to do old things. I don’t want to see the wallet sized pictures of those putrid, pint sized video addicts you call kids. That means when you ask, “Do you want to see my kids?” and I answer “God no, Get the frick away from me!” I’m actually serious. Don’t whip out your wallet faster than a character from a John Ford western and start droning on about how little Norbert is now in third grade and is learning to play the twelve string roona. I also don’t give a rats _ss that your daughter made all state in anything and is traveling to Columbia next summer with Raul the 35 year the pool boy to study Mayan forensic theology. I will smile politely, nod my head in approval and mumble appreciative trite phrases like “Oh yeah,” “That’s great,” and “Why sure,” that don’t really mean anything at all.  But my eyes will be glazing over and I’m actually thinking, ‘That mini, imitation of a human being is no doubt gonna grow up to be just as frickin’ boring as you are! The kids going to some day assume the intellectual vampire mantel that you’ve established and go around sucking the life out of every conversation she accidentally stumbles into.’

  I don’t want to play seemingly never ending card games with Lester and Dottie. I don’t want to sit in front of the TV and bounce up and down like a coked up lab monkey while I play along with ‘The Price is Right’. I have no desire to call younger relatives and hang those unlucky bastards on the line while their dinner burns and they envision their life slowly flashing by. I refuse to go to the local casino and play bingo while sitting unbearably close to someone with the same ‘old man’ b.o as I’ve got. Oh and by the way, splashing on more of that last case of ‘Hai karate’ you squirreled away back in 1978 just isn’t cutting it.

  I can’t stand it when some twenty something college-frau drop out strolls past me and automatically assumes she’s so hot I could give a damn. Are you really so totally ego absorbed that you think somebody with triple your life experience wants to sit around and hear your theories on lip gloss, panty liners, and ‘The Hunger Games’ just to get in your overpriced, pants? Unless your I.Q’s seven times your age, keep your ego infested, non-thinking ass walkin’.

  I’m sick of hearing other old bastards say things like, “Well ya know 70 is the new 30.” To who, an 80 year old? Stop kidding yourself. All the “Just for Men”, lipo-suction, teeth whitening, chest waxing, colon cleansing, girdle wearing products in the world can’t come close to God’s plan to completely demoralize, and humiliate you just when you’re at your weakest. Look at the animal world. When the lion gets old you can sharpen his fangs and gel his main till he looks in his prime but the younger lions are still gonna kill him and steal his wife. ( I realize that’s a bit extreme but I wanted to show Gods wonderful plan aimed at keeping you from showing up at a dance club with your shirt unbuttoned and a new tattoo on that turkey neck of yours).

  Anyhow I think the point is, you can stave off reality a few years at most but since you have to go down with the ship ya might want to do it with a shred of dignity (that’s apparently how they measure dignity, by the shred) and not clinging to the smokestack crying uncontrollably like John Boehner at an awards dinner.

  Old is an attitude. I have a lot of beer-bellied friends who wonder around scratching their _ss in public and talking about how good ‘their’ music was as compared to “that crap they play today”. There’s a name for these people… highly annoying! If you want to be old at forty-five or so that’s great. God bless your constantly complaining _ss, but please don’t drag me into it. I actually enjoy living and don’t stay up late worrying about what the Federal governments doing to the social security money I’m obviously never gonna see.

  Before I set myself up to appear to be a clone of every other old glitch head wondering around mindlessly let me say there are a lot of things I’m thankful for. My musical tastes aren’t confined to oldies and country. I can get into everything from jazz, to rap, if the music’s good. I don’t go to bed at 8:pm and wake up at 5 in the morning to go to the coffee shop / geezer complain-a-thon. I actually have a life that spans normal business hours. I still have my own teeth, my own hair, my own free will, and everything below my waist still operates as directed. I don’t sit at home hoping my grandkids will stop by. (Mainly because I don’t have any of those little doughnut gumming b_stards to annoy me). But even if I did, I have other things to do.

  Finally (and it couldn’t come quick enough) old people, or as I like to call us; post puberty’s on parade should conduct ourselves with just a minimum of class and in return maybe we’ll get a last ditch attempt at respect from those around us. Wouldn’t it be nice to go out with that spec of dignity you managed to avoid the other 95% of your life?            

   

What REALLY happened in the Oct 4th Debate.

   Going into the October 4th debate President O'Bama was on most polls a full six points ahead of Mitt Romney. It was to the point that some conservatives were moving away from him to avoid being associated with what they perceived as a possible loser.
   With that six point lead the president's advisors no doubt (and this is pure speculation on my part) told him to stay calm, look presidential and no matter what, don't say anything to shoot yourself in the foot.
   The pundits on conservative radio and television pulled off a near brilliant move. Weeks prior to the debate  many syndicated conservatives from Limbaugh to Hannity started predicting the liberal media had already planned to frame the debate as a win for the president.In all fairness many liberal media members were predicting an O'Bama win beforehand. Now however with the intense publicity surrounding the debates outcome liberal media members ran to show off their impartiality by handing the debate to Romney.
  During the debate Romney showed passion while O'Bama came off as unconcerned and almost detached. he did look authoritative but in dark economic times people really want to get the impression you care. (remember Clinton's "I feel your pain"?) It was corny but effective. Of course I think that was before we learned what else he was feeling in the white house. As I saw it Romney won the first quarter and the all important last quarter but the rest was fairly equal. There was no one-liner knockout punch, or dramatic lop sided victory. However the decision on who won was in the hands of liberal media members wanting to prove impartiality.
  What started out as comments about a slight edge to Romney snow balled downhill until the morning after heard comments about O'Bama's "Dismal" performance and Romney new Rocket to the top.
   The results of this will be defined in the final debate. The president needs to look passionate without looking mean, and especially NOT looking desperate. Romney needs to hammer home the 'I can fix the economy' position. If he'd stayed on that point throughout his campaign the race would be much tighter by now. You can also expect the president to come out swinging. By nature politicians are competitive, and hate to lose. He won't be taking any 'just be presidential' advice this time.
  Romney did win the debate but just barely. The real losers are the media who allow themselves to played like a cheap pinball machine and still maintain a pack mentality.        

The Double-standard is Alive and Well...Unfortunately

The Double-standard is Alive and Well for Both Sexes

   There appears to be some preconceived attitudes toward the sexes that we’ve

accepted into our culture. As petty and meaningless as they are they’re probably

hindering communications just the same. It’s as if society condones subconscious

sexism. For example; ‘Diamonds are a girl’s best friend’. ‘A dog is man’s best friend’. If

a little boy is bad ‘he’s a little devil’. If a little girl is good ‘she’s an angel’, If your mean

boss is a man he’s ‘a frickin’ tyrant’. If the boss is a woman ‘she’s asserting her

authority’. The biggest bed you can buy is a King size, the second biggest; a Queen.

   If a woman uses a lot of four letter words she’s ‘liberated’. If a man does, he’s

‘a loudmouth pig’. Not to get sidetracked here but let’s face it today’s American culture

isn’t exactly brimming over with class.  When NBC ignores a moment of 911 silence to

broadcast an interview with the Kardashians mom about her brand new store bought

love pillows the train to good taste Armageddon has no doubt left the station. 

   It works in both directions. If a teenage boy is promiscuous he’s ‘sewing his wild oats’.

If a teenage girl gets around, she’s labeled a tramp. For that matter when it comes to

sexuality men worked it out so there’s no way for women to win. If she sleeps with you

she’s a slut, if she doesn’t, she’s a prude. If she goes part way and stops, she’s a tease.

There’s apparently no escape, my sexist forefathers created a needlessly cruel name

for any action you take. If a woman’s aggressive she a ‘man-eater,’ if she’s passive she

a ‘pushover.’

   Ever wonder why some men are so demeaning and callous to so called ‘loose

women’?  The truth is that loose women have the sex drive as a man and aren’t afraid

to be satiated. (it’s actually a fairly honest assessment of your own emotions and needs)

Some men detest this because they subconsciously don’t like themselves and can’t

stand to see themselves in others.

  If a man bullies his neighbors and gets in needless fights, he’s ‘a man’s man.’ If a

woman does so, she’s a crazy (rhymes with witch) you know what. If a woman shows

her backside in a thong we call her sexy. If a man wears his pants so low he shows ‘the

great divide’ we call him… well I guess we just call him a plumber, or a teenager. But

the point is we use the double standard almost constantly when pertaining to the sexes.

In any other manner of life it’s unacceptable but not when it comes to the battle of the

sexes it’s a-okay. And what nineteen fifties nit wit dubbed relations ‘the battle of the

sexes’? There’s some poor schnook with a Hindenburg sized sample of low self

esteem.

  Until a few years ago all hurricanes were named after women. Finally when it was

proven when it comes to personality men blow just as bad women were we accepted

into the club. All Popes are men accept of course Pope Leon who no one was ever too

sure about, but did make a fabulous white wine spritzer and knew all the lyrics to every

Lisa Minelli show tune. All baseball players are men, except maybe Teddy Abernathy

who as you know threw underhanded.

  The point is these stereotypes promote fear and disgust in a society with more than it’s

share already. However getting rid of them over pollutes the already murky water of

political correctness. (Try sailing through that pond scum without a shovel and a pre-

memorized, non-caring apology) So what’s the answer? Perhaps just thinking before we

label anyone. Labels are altruisms that are hard to live down and usually wrong. Finally

if this article offends you in any way…you’re taking me way too seriously!

politics as Unusual

The Tea Party is holding their convention at "Earl's Dew Drop Inn and Radiator Repair" in Bladderleak, Iowa. The keynote address will be given by Fuzzy Kowalski if he's out on parole by then. With a special appearance by Guido Manucho. Sarah Palin's gunsmith and hairstylist!

Not to be outdone by the Republicans, the Democrats will have Sandra Lockhart read Eastwoods divorce settlement at their convention. Neener, Neener, Neener!

It seems Iraqis love American fast food. Franchise's are popping up everywhere. 'Jack in the Burka', & 'Turban Bell' I understand but they've gone too far with McHammad's Camel Pounder with goat cheese!

Researchers have discovered men who eat chocolate can lower their stroke chances. Who would've  thought a Hershey bar could help your golf game?

Allstate has announced the worst drivers in America are in our nations capitol. I think that's unfair. Any senator can tell you how hard it is to drive while e-mailing nude pictures of themselves.

President Obama has been busy helping the victims of Hurricane Issac. He reassured the people saying, "Don't worry you'll each be receiving the 6,000 page application for your Obama-Care benefits in the mail...of course that's if you still have a mailbox."

Ann Romney won over the crowd last night at the R.N.C. with her heartwarming story of years ago when she and Mitt had to use an ironing board as a dinner table. She later explained that she and Mitt had never seen an ironing board before because as she put it, "that's probably something the servants use I suppose", and that they actually thought it was a table from Ikea.

The opening speech at the Republican National Convention really got the crowd going. It was particularly stirring when Chris Christie got crazy and tried to get Dunkin Donuts designated a National Shrine! (go figure?)

Jesus, the Original Metro-sexual?

Jesus, the Original Metrosexual?

   Was Jesus the original metro-sexual and what exactly does that mean for us? The

bible tells us that Jesus had the best qualities of both sexes; the strength and conviction

of a man and the patience and nurturing of a woman. I realize these are gender

stereotypes. I’m not agreeing, I’m just reporting. I know several so called metrosexuals.

They’re all overly cultured to the point of being boring snobs. To their detrement they’ve

got so much culture they’re arrogant ‘know it alls’. I don’t like ‘know it alls’. They’re too

much like me.

  Men and women have different Gods. Women worship shoes, sentimentality, and

security, while men worship muscle cars, meatloaf, and heavy machinery. Watch

women with friends at a restaurant. Someone will pickup the bill and announce, “Okay

who had the cob salad?” Then they all have to look at the bill individually, pass it around

and do the math on a table napkin. It’s as if they’re drawing schematics for the space

shuttle. Everything has to be done precisely down to the last dime. It usually takes

longer to calculate the bill for the meal than it did to actually eat the meal.

  Men on the other hand have a simpler method. Whoever’s closet to where the bill

landed on the table picks it up, turns his head at an angle like the RCA dog, study’s it as

if he’s been handed Egyptian hieroglyphics and loudly demands “Okay, all you assholes

owe me eight bucks”. Not quite as polite I suppose but a lot less nit-picky and unless a

fight immediately ensues male bonding has taken place. What would Jesus do you ask?

He’d probably pick up the bill miraculously know in an instant (remember his step dad

was a carpenter they have to be good at math) exactly what everybody owes including

tax and gratuity and announce, “Whoever had the cob salad is going to Hell.”  If he felt

his real dad was on his side he might even add a “Gad Damn it!” for effect. Remember

metrosexuals are constantly pulling those over the top dramatic antics. You should see

them at a Lady GaGa concert.

  The original aspect of metrosexuality was to invent a new form of culture snob who

was more civilized than the rest of us mouth-breathing, knuckle draggers and thus have

yet another reason to look down on us flannel wearing, pickup driving average slobs.

But something happened along the road to arrogantville. Johnny Sixpack out in

Bladderleak, Iowa got the internet and all the info, cultivation, and urbanity that came

with it. (not to mention porn, video games, and a million other ways to waste your time).

    Now Lenny Lunchbox with a modem in Braindead, Arkansas had an even playing

field and all the refinement his tiny little frontal lobe could absorb.

  The upshot…Jesus may have been a metrosexual but by the very nature of his being

it would have to be sans the attitude. I mean come on, the guy was here for a blood

atonement self-sacrifice. Even if it wasn’t yet revealed to him he had to suspect that was

gonna hurt! Between dodging Romans, turning water into wine, and raising folks from

the dead I doubt he had a lot of time to look down his nose at the less dignified. I prefer

to think of Jesus as not a metrosexual but more an urban communalist. Sure he had it,

but he never had to flaunt 

Have The Oil Companies Abandoned America?

Have The Oil Companies Abandoned America?

   With the deregulation of big business a few decades ago America saw the oil companies rush to merger Exxon/Mobil, BP/Amoco, Conoco/Phillips to name a few. It shouldn’t be surprising that when you eliminate competition monopolies can control the market by setting their own price no matter how it damages the economy around them.

  Sometimes this enormous power backfires. For instance Arco was forced to pay 187 million dollars for restoration of 120 miles in Montana (outside Butte) and the pollution of The Clark Fork River. In 2009 Chevron/Texaco was forced to pay 350 million to the nation of Ecuador after making 1,700 hectares of pristine Amazon rain forest completely uninhabitable and displacing 15 indigenous tribes. The company went so far as to create fake on-line news reports declaring the area not affected. The fine for the Exxon Valdez Alaskan disaster was 99 million dollars. That’s four days profit for Exxon/Mobil and decades later victims are still waiting for restitution.

  Am I blaming the oil companies? Certainly not, with big investments come big challenges and responsibilities. Sometimes enormous projects have enormously disastrous consequences. According to several environmental organizations Sunoco has the best green record.

  Why does gas always creep up towards $4.00 a gallon only to slip back down just below the $4.00 level? When gas reaches $4.00 independent producers in Pennsylvania, Texas, and Colorado can afford to re-start long dormant oil derricks and sell to independents like Sinclair. The large conglomerates don’t want that competition.

  I do however blame our celebrity obsessed media for wasting air time on useless fame whores and neglecting serious investigative reporting. Matt Lauer interviewed the CEO of Exxon/Mobil. I believe it was Rex Tillerson who repeated the mantra ‘It’s the law of supply and demand’ like an android in a Brooks Brothers three piece to every question Lauer asked concerning pricing. I don’t blame Tillerson. He’s a company man towing the company line, no matter how greasy and soiled it gets. I blame Lauer’s producer for forcing him to ask softball questions. I think what America wanted Lauer to ask was, ‘Look I understand you can demand a fair price, but do you have to charge so much that it’s hurting your own country?’ Exxon/Mobil being a HUGE sponsor precluded that type of question from ever being asked.

  What’s the point? The oil companies have a God awful reputation. A reputation any single company could turn around instantly and use the publicity stunt to make billions. If just one of the big three; BP, Chevron, Exxon were to step up and proclaim ‘In an attempt to stabilize the economy we’re going to see gas in America and only in America for the next two years at no more than $3.00 a gallon’. They’d be instant heroes, save the economy, and by undercutting the other companies make billions. Records show any one of the giant oil corporations could easily absorb this type of two year fire sale. People will say it’s not that simple, but truly it is. The oil companies are truly betraying their own country for economic gains. Are they any different than a gun runner in Africa? This is a golden opportunity for a company that sees the big picture.